On The Lam and In The Zone

Humanoids and Cephalopods:

Welcome and good evening. It’s nice to meet you. Take off that hat and put up your feet. Check out the dreary and ridiculous world around you. It is filled with terror, despair, and betrayal. It is populated by monsters and thieves, along with a growing hoard of coked-out celebrities. It’s kind of sexy, too.

In the left hand corner of the galaxy, you have Larry, a blithering platinum-belted fighter with a mouth full of foam. Let’s say that he represents all that is chaotic and wrong with the universe, and that he wants to hurt you. Yesterday, he tried to set his VCR to record a rerun of CSI: Miami. Today, he discovered that he accidentally taped Judge Joe Brown instead. Larry hates Joe Brown. So do people who steal furniture from their diabetic in-laws. Larry does this frequently.

In the right hand corner of the galaxy shivers Melanie, who, let us suppose, represents enthalpy and the natural order of the cosmos. She just lost a Golden Globe nomination to Halle Berry, and knows that seeking revenge is wrong. Mel watches Masterpiece Theater and lives on Brattle Street in Cambridge. She takes long walks in the park, and kickboxes every Friday. Tonight, however, she is doomed. You can tell by the way she keeps muttering “I’m fucked,” to herself over and over again, and how she tried to disqualify herself a few minutes ago by faking an epileptic seizure. Larry Chaos looks on fire tonight, and your bookie will probably give you some fine numbers on him. But don’t be fooled – Melanie Order is wearing a mission fig aloe rub that makes her slipperier than an otter slathered in KY. We encounter such otters with surprising frequency.

The bell rings. The judges grunt in some Neanderthal tongue. The galaxy shudders as Order and Chaos duke it out in the cinderblock boxing rings of our galaxy. And in the middle of all of this sits you. And us.

We promise not to lie to you about that.

Welcome to Moonsquabble! Johnny and Kitty (that’s us) are in disguise somewhere near the planet Xena, on the run from killer sexbots. We hope to make you laugh. We ourselves laugh often, mostly at inappropriate times, and sometimes at harmless but pervasive stereotypes. The best remedy for a weary world, we feel, is a healthy dose of sarcasm and satire. No target is above us. No line is too sacred. Lines are for children. We are bigger than children, and can scare them easily.

Remember, the best disguise is one that nobody knows you are wearing. And we are not wearing anything.

Hello!

- Johnny Desolation and Kitty con Carne